Balance and the Black Wolf

The Black Wolf and The Torch Bearer - Ball Point Pen.

All around us, there is balance. The cycles of nature, the seasons, are balanced. There is a time to sow and a time to harvest. A time for life to die back and a time for it to begin again; renewed. It is present in the passing of days, shared by the sun and the moon. These balances are necessary, for without darkness there could be no light.

In theory.

Light could still exist without the juxtaposition of darkness, however, would we truly appreciate it in that state? If we never experienced the chill and cold, the onset of despair that can be found and fought in the night would we be as thankful for dawn's breaking light and day's warmth? Does one who has never experienced drought or heat, appreciate the coming of rain as much as one who has?

By the same token, there is a balance that strives to exist within ourselves. It is the constant dance of light and dark that takes place in our minds, our emotions, our spirits. We go through periods of happiness as well as melancholy, both are necessary and it is worth getting to know these aspects of ourselves. The Goddess of Crossroads, the torch bearer, often comes to bring me light when I most need it. As one who has been prone to unexplainable periods of gloom since my teens, I've gotten accustomed to the darkness, the Black Wolf.

Sometimes the Black Wolf is called to my side by certain events. He envelops me in his darkness and I do not fight back. I surrender to the emotions and he sits patiently beside me until the Torch Bearer comes to lead the way back to the light. At other times he sprints unbidden from the shadows, nipping at my heels without warning. I can escape his jaws, but sometimes I am not fortunate enough to do so and at these times I find myself cloaked in the gloom for hours, days or weeks. The heavy weight of the Black Wolf sits on my chest, an unexplained lump of sadness, fear or listlessness. Often, I know not why he has come to pin me down and I occasionally fear his darkness will be unrelenting. Yet sometimes, in his darkness, there is something of importance waiting to be found.

The Black Wolf has been sitting beside me these past few weeks in what I at first assumed was a random bought of depression. But no. He was patiently waiting for me to pull myself inward, to hermit, and realize that I've been doling out too many pieces of me and not keeping enough to myself. He wanted me to see that I need to spend time nurturing and reconnecting with myself, that the funk I've been in was very much of my own making. My spirit has been feeling listless and disconnected, it longs to reconnect with my heart and the divine. The Black Wolf teaches me that I need to learn how to say 'no' when I want or need to and stop worrying about how folks will take it. Stop being a 'yes' woman and start making time for myself and my spirituality. His lesson learned, the Black Wolf bows his head and allows the Torch Bearer to lead me from his dark domain.

The Black Wolf and The Torch Bearer are balanced, as each has lessons to teach that require my time. While the Goddess shows me the light of happiness and hope, the Black Wolf asks me to look into the darkness. While laughter may be the best medicine, sometimes a good cry can be just as cathartic. When we dance in the darkness, the light will always be the brighter for it.

Work in Progress Wednesday - MMHQ

Mess Making Headquarters. Still in progress, but coming along nicely!

What have you got in the works this week?

Dear Thunderstorm,

I always thought we were friends. I've always gotten excited when you're mentioned by the weather channel, ever since I was a girl. Dark clouds would roll in, heralding your arrival and out on the patio or at the window I'd sit (against advice to the contrary) watching you approach. The first crackle of thunder, the first flash of lightning oddly comforting to me. I've always loved the rain, beating down on the roof and occasionally on myself, if I happened to run outside to play or dance with you.

You've always been a comfort on hot summer days and when I've needed to be cleansed and there was no ocean handy. I'd sit in your waters and think as you washed the gloom away, sending it down to the depths of the earth. I've never been disappointed by you, until last night. What happened to us, dear one?

Did you think I wouldn't notice if you did it quietly, so I didn't hear a crack or a crash? While I've got eye issues I'm not blind, I can see when there is a pine tree in a window where there was never a pine tree before.

Did you feel the need to remind me that you can be dangerous, as if I've somehow forgotten? Did the neighbors discover that there's a witch in the neighborhood and ask you to take me out, Wicked Witch of the East style? If it's the latter, I suppose I should thank you for not dropping a house on me. I will always love you, thunderstorm, but we've got some trust issues to work out.

Yours in shaky friendship,
The Wicked Witch of the South

P.S. For those wondering what I'm prattling on about:

I've taken having a 40 foot tree landing on the car I just paid off better than I would have expected; with a bit of snark and the draining of my saving account to buy a chainsaw since we don't seem to know anyone who owns one. On the positive side no one was hurt, we were considering taking down that tree anyway, it didn't hurt the house, we now have a good chunk of firewood for the winter and I've got a plethora of branches to give woodworking a shot on. Oh yea, and Joe has a shiny new power tool. He's like a giddy child over it too. ;)

Work in Progress Wednesday - The Spare Room

It's been a few hectic days around here. I've been itching to post something, but have either not had the time or have had the time but not the ideas or initiative. A testament to the fact that I'm not completely out of the funk I've been in yet. Soon! *fingers crossed*

Last night I was laid up with a random and vicious stomach problem, it came on out of nowhere as I was cooking dinner. There was a sharp pain and then I felt violently nauseous and remained that way throughout most of the night, falling asleep on the couch several times while Joe finished up dinner (which I was feeling far too wretched to eat) and worked a bit on our latest endeavor. This morning I woke up to a slightly squirrelly belly and a freshly painted craft room!

You see, my brother and his girlfriend (who have been staying with us while they looked for a place) found an apartment and moved out Friday afternoon leaving me with a large empty spare bedroom. Mind you, I've been coveting the space and biding my time since me moved in so it's no wonder that we moved them out Friday and were at the home improvement store the very next afternoon buying paint and lumber to rebuild the closet.

It's still in progress, but here are the before and after shots of the paint. It's now officially decked out in colours only a Danni could love:

Before:


After:

Soon I'll be moving my desk and all of my boxes of mess making supplies and art junk in there and really making it into my space. For the first time since we've lived on our own I'm being all weird about hanging things on the wall, I keep telling myself 'what if I hate it there? Then there will be a stupid hole in the wall that I'll want to fix, which means putty, sand, paint... repeat! Ugh!' I'm hoping since I'm usually incredibly liberal with my craft spaces and hang stuff all over the damn place that it will burst this weird bubble of decorating terror I've managed to get myself in to. *fingers crossed*

What have you guys been up to? I feel like it's been ages since I've been around, though it's only been a week or so!

Work in Progress Wednesday - WOTY

My most recent page in my pagan art journal, a spread dedicated to the Wheel of the Year. I'll go into further detail when I share the finished page. This shows one of the ways in which I work things up though. Coat the old book page in paint, sketch in pencil, ink over it and don't really clean up the pencil all that much. You can click the image above to view it larger.

The Sights and Sounds of Summer

There is always at least one thing each season that defines it for you. To some, summer is defined by cookouts, trips to the ocean, fireworks, ice cold lemonade... it just isn't summer to these folks without them. To me, summer has always been defined by its bugs. And not the ones that suck my blood and try to carry me off, prevalent as they may be.

It isn't summer until I've seen at least two dozen fireflies twinkling out in the yard. I've often thought of them as the torch-bearers of Fairy, illuminating the paths between our world and theirs or providing the lighting at one of their famous fairy balls. Fireflies are magical summer light-bringers, dancing and capturing the imagination beneath the starry summer sky.

If fireflies are the dancers, then who are the musicians to whom they dance? Cicadas, crickets and chirping frogs of course! The song of summer is carried on the air, even in more suburban places then you would imagine. If you have trees, or grass, you will probably hear the call of at least one of these creatures as the sun sets each summer night. If you are extremely lucky, you can drift off to sleep to the melody of more than one.

This summer sounds even more like summer then usual (as odd a sentence as that is to write) because the 13 year Magicicada has emerged and added his voice to the nightly choir. A much darker cicada then the annuals, his black body and orange veined wings would be a sight to behold. I'm keeping my fingers and toes crossed to see one of them before the end of the season as I don't want to wait until I'm 41 to try again!

What are the things that undeniably say 'it's summer!' to you?

A Belated Happy Birthday

Via riptheskull on Flickr.

To my lovely home here in internet-land, my whimsical cottage! The very special date crept by a few days ago, with barely a whisper to remind me it was passing through. So long as everyone remembered to send presents and cards I'll be off the hook, right? ;-) (I really hope someone did as the cottage, much like Baba Yaga's chicken foot hut, tends to have a mind and attitude all it's own!)

It's been two years since I first opened the doors to the cottage and waited eagerly for passers-by to stop for a spot of tea, a pint of cold ale, or a shot of something stronger and mingle with me. A magical, wonderful two years that have far exceeded my expectations! I've made some lifelong partners witches in crime and met so many talented and amazing people, I've learned so much from others and about myself throughout these years of sharing and feel truly blessed that so many of you seem to enjoy my ramblings!

I truly appreciate every peek inside, every note scribbled and left, every kindred spirit and curious heart who has stopped once, twice or a dozen times. The cottage and I are constantly changing, growing and evolving and I hope you'll all continue to do the same with us. Help yourself to a pint, a cuppa or a candy and have a peek at some of my favorite posts of the past two years. For those followers new or old, I hope you enjoy!

The First Year
*Greetings From Asbury Park!
*A visit to Sleepy Hollow
Btw, southern lovelies, if any of you know of any amazing cemeteries in the South-East let me know. I haven't been to a proper cemetery since I moved over a year ago! I can't find any, even with Google helping.
*Spell Bottle
*Our First Year
*A New York City Christmas
*Reflections on a Decade
*Asbury at Dawn
*Grimore, Book of Shadows or a Haphazard Mess?
For those keeping track, I'm still firmly in the 'haphazard mess' category. Though, my pagan art journal is sort of becoming a Grimoire of it's own will.
*Through the Looking Glass

The Second Year
*Hunting Island, SC
*New Moon Magic
*Sunrise Mountain
*Ten, Ten, Ten, Two and a Cake
*Full Moon Tea
*Dia De Los Muertos
*The Holiday Season
*So Long, Year!
*Our House
*Transitioning
*Who and What Are You?
*The Fawn and The Goat

P.S. In answer to a recent frequently asked question: The cottage in my banner, alas, is neither my home nor a cottage on my land. It is an herb/floral shop that I happened across on a day trip to Sugarloaf, NY a few years ago. The place was too cute to resist and I snapped a picture, which I fiddled about with in Photoshop. The original is actually much less mysterious!

P.P.S. The home that my husband and I recently bought is lovingly referred to by me (and maybe one day by he as well) as my cottage. My cute, cozy, ranch style cottage. Hehe. ;)

Fire in the Sky

It's amazing, how uplifting something as seemingly simple as fireworks can be. As we sat on the quilt I made, watching the twinkling explosions in the sky, I felt energized and light.

At the end of the display I was grinning like a fool and feeling more awake then I have in weeks. I would say I've been feeling burned out, but that's not entirely accurate. Feeling 'off' better sums it up, feeling physically worn down and almost in a constant state of achy between my head, neck and knees. It's felt like a large storm system has been moving in, but there's been no rain.

Until today. I feel refreshed, reinvigorated and am ache free. I blame it on the elements, fire for energizing my spirit and water for cooling and washing away some of the blah. My head is buzzing with so many things suddenly: things to do, things to search inside myself for, things to read. I will be treading lightly, making lists and working slowly out of this funk lest I put myself right back into it.

I had originally intended to post solely about the sheer awesome that was the fireworks show over Greenville last night, but sort of ended up in a cathartic rant. Whoops!

Let me just say, that the finale was unlike anything I've ever seen and I was so spellbound that I didn't snap a single picture! It was like dozens of wreaths of brightly colored christmas lights twinkling in the sky accompanied by the deepest of thunders, for what seemed like ages but was probably only mere minutes. The lovely and I were both grinning and giggling like a couple of mischievous children when the sky finally went dark again and continued in that manner until we laid down to bed.

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend, Canada Day and Fourth!