Thursday, September 9, 2010
New Moon Magic
Many new moons have come and gone with my only knowledge of their happening occurring when I take note of the calendar. I'm not tremendously sensitive to moon phases and usually just keep an eye on it to tell what phase it's in. Yesterday's moon however, was a pretty exceptional exception to the norm.
The moon began tugging at me almost a week ago. I had an extraordinarily terrible day at coffee-bucks and came home feeling worn out, worn thin and wanting to just crawl under a rock and wait with the fairy folk for humanity to sort itself out before coming out again. I sat on the patio drinking my tea, sniffling from my cold (I'm much better now, thank you for all of your energies and concern!), feeling generally miserable when a tremendous calm enveloped me. I went and pulled a card from my Paulina Tarot Deck and drew the Eight of Pentacles which, especially in this deck, is a card that sings to me of creative endeavors and learning as you go.
Saturday while we were at the Apple Festival, Joe looked me straight in the eye while I was slurping down an Apple Slushie and told me to quit my job and focus on art while I look for something I'll enjoy. The thought of doing so and losing the financial buffer my crummy job affords us completely terrifies me, so I tell him very simply that I can't right now. When we get home he proceeds to draw up a budget while I paint and shows me that even without me working, we can accomplish all the things we want to, it will just take a few months longer. He tells me he has faith in me and my art and wants me to be the kind of happy I am when people don't treat me like I'm a 4th class citizen, tell me to 'go fuck myself' when I ask if they have anything smaller than a $100 and occasionally throw hot coffee at me because they asked for too many Splendas and it's disgustingly sweet. (True story... it's happened to me twice, once because of the Splenda thing. With my temper, I'm surprised I'm still employed.) I'm still terrified of the loss of funds however and didn't give my notice the next day.
When I went to bed that night, I asked Mother Moon to help me find my way. I told her I feel irresponsible and like a quitter for wanting out of my job so desperately after only a few months. I asked for a dream, a feeling, a spark... anything to help me know what the right move is. I fell asleep and remembered not a single one of my dreams. I forgot all about it.
Until yesterday, when I was invited via Etsy to participate in a local arts and crafts show in late November. It's a smaller one being held in a high school, but they had a successful event the last two years with over 50 crafters. I think it will be a great way to get a feel for shows to start with something smaller and to be personally invited to participate made my week!
Last night I did a ritual for conviction, personal strength and courage in new endeavors and sent my thanks out to the universe for all of the subtle nudges and in your face shoves it's given me this past week. I also joined up with Mrs. B and a horde of pagans to send supportive, positive energy to help each other with new beginnings and renewals.
Today I'm writing up my resignation letter and will be done with cofee-bucks in Mid October. I normally wouldn't give a month's notice, but I'll be going on a trip for a little over a week, which I will tell you all about in another post as this ramble is quite long enough.