Thursday, April 17, 2014

Of Trips and Funks; A Wee Ramble

We took an incredibly quick trip up North to visit our families in New Jersey this past weekend and attend a baby shower that my mom put together for us. And by quick, I mean brutally quick. As in 2 days quick. The car ride up was as expected, long and uncomfortable, as I had to stop, stretch and use the facilities every 1-2 hours and it poured for the last 4 hours of the drive, which made it slow going.

But, we made it safe and sound and stayed at a friend's house and were even able to meet up with friends we haven't seen in 2 years to catch up over late night diner munchies. We spent time with all of our parents, some of our extended family and were even able to visit our favorite woodland spots... mine on a mountain top and his in a swampy creek. We had a good, if hurried, time before heading back South on Monday.

We could have taken a longer trip, especially since I'm now a homemaker and Joe has vacation time, but we're squirreling that paid time off away for when the Acorn makes its arrival. His company gives him one week of paid paternity leave, but he wants to stay home with us for as long as he can afford to so he can give me time to recuperate, so we can figure out this new parenting thing together and so he can spend as much time with his baby as he can in the beginning. I'm over the moon knowing that he'll be here with me for those first few weeks and I've put a "no visitors allowed" rule in effect for that time period. Some people will think this is mean or tacky, but this is the first and longest time we'll have together as a family without work interfering. Everybody else can give us those precious few weeks (a grand total of 21 days) to enjoy and respect our wishes, or they can get bent out of shape over it. Their reaction isn't my concern, my newly made family is.

All that aside, despite how very much I love my family and friends up North and how very homesick I am for New Jersey sometimes, I couldn't wait to get back to my house, curl up in my own bed, pull the covers up over my head and go back to vegging. That's not a normal feeling for me, usually I love trips and vacations and want to prolong our stay by another day or two. Especially when we're back North, because there are so many places I want to visit again that we never seem to find the time to get to. But not this time.

I've also fallen out of my crafty, outdoorsy and spiritual practices. Blood Moon? What blood moon? I didn't even make it outside to look at her. I've been unemployed for almost three weeks now and I've not gotten even half of what I'd hoped to have accomplished by now finished. To be fair to myself, I was stressed out with vet visits and animal illnesses and took a small trip, but even so, the motivation is hard to dredge up most days. It's not a depression, but it is a funk. I feel worn out, pooped and sloth-like most days with the occasional day of ludicrous motivation in which I dramatically overdo it thrown in just to keep me on my toes. It's a bizarre feeling for me, one which I can only really blame on pregnancy hormones as I sometimes feel this way during my Moon Times.

While I'd very much like to snap out of it, I'm having a hard time finding the fucks to put towards doing so, until the end of the day when I become frustrated by all of my inactivity and sluggishness. My family and friends tell me it's ok, because I'm pregnant and my body is undergoing drastic changes and the baby is sucking up some of my resources and while I want to believe them, as my own worst critic, I have a nearly impossible time not being hard on myself for being lazy. I've always been a doer, a mover, a fairly motivated person and this drastic change is beyond frustrating to me.

Hopefully I'll get some of my pre-prego energy back soon.

6 comments:

  1. Oh it's so hard to stay in control with so many well-meaning yet buttinski relatives and friends around. I think it's a great idea to have the first couple of weeks alone with your family. Wow, I can just imagine what my then mother in law would have thought about that! Stay strong and be firm!! New Mommy Power!! :)

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  2. I think your decision to stand firm on the no visitors is absolutely wonderful. You and Joe and the Acorn will be a thousand times blessed by your "family" get to know you time. I think your plan is priceless.
    As to being hard on yourself about lack of motivation..........it's who you are and how you are right now and I'd just go with the flow, were I you. Dat acorn bump is so precious. Sending all kinds of Mother Nature blessings your way. Oma Linda

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  3. I really love your idea for having a few weeks of no visitors. I can only imagine how overwhelming a whole bunch of company would be on top of new parenthood... I would lose my shit... lolz... @_@

    I'm also super happy that Joe's company gives him paternity leave! Yay! =D
    Listen to your body, wherever it's coming from at this moment. It knows what you need, despite what your brain might be telling you. ^_~
    Sending you lots of love & hugs! XOXO

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  4. I am so glad u got to go back North. Love that you're setting aside family time, and how cool that Joes work gives him paternity leave! You will snap back to your normal self eventually. I know it sucks right now, though. Sending you energetic thoughts. Bright Blessings to u and yours.

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  5. How far along are you again? I don't remember. I totally did this to myself too. I had a million things that I planned on doing and honestly, got about half of them done only because I guilted myself into doing them! And honestly, this is graphic kind of, after I saw the baby and the placenta, my first thought was, after all the smushy stuff, no wonder I was so bloody tired all the time! That's a lot of work to grow all those bits! Enjoy your rest. And rest lots. Pamper yourself. I'm sure everyone tells you this. But yeah. I wish I'd done more of it! And I think that's awesome that you'll have you family time. My mom was here just before and after Baby Faye's birth and while it was nice it was also frustrating because I felt like we needed time to figure ourselves out as a family. I would have liked it more if she'd come a week or so after the birth, if that makes sense. Best of luck with acorn, relaxing, and family time!

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  6. If the nesting instinct kicks in, there will be no stopping you! Enjoy the relaxation while you can, and best wishes for a bright future for you all!

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