Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Work in Progress Wednesday: The Unknown Journey

There's a difference in the way the tug to paint for the joy of it feels than the tug to paint to get shit out on the cavas does. There's a certain relaxed ritual that takes place in my brain and my body, usually involving pouring myself a glass of wine and putting on music that makes me grin from ear to ear and dance like a fiend.

This is usually closely followed by a swaying of my hips and some mumbled attempts at singing along while I indelicately squirt colors in to my palette. And as I put brush to canvas, my mind clears and I dance as I swing the brush in long sweeping strokes and circles; not really caring what shows up as I squish color around at the discretion of the painting. There's freedom here in this space of mind. Real, in the moment freedom. From thought, from worry, from sadness, from pre-conceived ideas and failure: Free.

This is where I ended on the first night, after about an hour and a half of painting. Well, an hour and a half of dancing and painting; heavy on the dancing.

This is the difference a half an hour on a sunny afternoon makes.

... and 15 minutes further in to the journey, my painting and myself are spattered with purple and yellow spots. I don't know where this painting is leading me. Don't know if the face is male or female, or if it will even be visible throughout the entire process. And what's with that bird on the head? Who knows. I felt the urge to 'put a bird on it', and so I did. The important thing, right now, is that I'm enjoying the process and the journey immensely. I feel like for the first time, in a long time - possibly ever - I'm being brutally honest and fearless with this painting. Not scared of changing it up and losing aspects of it or covering up parts with paint.

Free. And Fearless.

And on the opposite end of the spectrum is my other work-in-progress, 'Emerging', who has stumped and stifled me currently. She may be finished, she may not be, but for now she's not on the easel and I don't feel any motivation what-so-ever to work on her. It's like something shifted inside of me and while I desperately wanted and needed her for a while, whatever was driving that attachment has gone and we no longer need each other.

If that makes sense. And it may not, which is something I'm fairly used to having happen to me. I may release her to someone else, we'll see.

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