Thursday, March 7, 2013

A Restless Notice

There's a shifting happening again.

I can feel it not just on a spiritual level, but on a physical one as well. There's a feeling deep down in my guts that's roiling my innards and making eating a tenuous activity. Not necessarily in a bad way mind you, but in a way that demands that I stop putting my mental energies solely towards mundane things like worrying, tidying and over-thinking and pay attention. I note it in the vultures wheeling over head and peering down the tree tops and power lines. Every place I go lately, there he is waiting. And I note it in my own restlessness. I couldn't sit still or focus for beans yesterday, which honestly threw me in to quite a foul mood as it was my day off and I had a to-do list a mile long that I wanted to accomplish.

Needless to say, I didn't finish it. Every time I'd pick up a brush to paint, a pot to scrub or a book to read I'd lost my focus in about 5 minutes and pace aimlessly through the house. I was fidgetty, twitchy... anxious. Something needed to be done, something was messing up my personal Zen day. The energy in the house felt claustrophobic and tight and to make matters worse, my electronics were acting up. Stalking outside, I still couldn't find relief. Pissed off that it was so damn windy that I had to march myself right back in to the house and not wander about as my mind longed to do.

And I just sort of stopped. I stood still, closed my eyes, breathed deep and just let the feeling bounce around me and really listened. And after a while of listening, I stood up, went to my altar and began to prepare waters, oils and herbs. Took up my beloved feathers and fire and cleansed every square inch of my home with all the forcefulness of myself and the elements behind my workings. I sealed it with sweet smoke and holy waters, burned down candles and recharged my protective charms. Offered honey to the fae and they nodded their agreement to what my guts had said: protect and strengthen.

I know not what comes or has occurred; be it the breaking down of friendships and the ensuing slings and arrows of hurt, the seemingly never-ending trend of death and despair this year has left in its wake already or something worse. But whatever it is, I have calmed my own spirit and space and can focus once more.

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