It's a beautiful, albeit cold, morning. The sun is shining, the robins are singing and hopping all over my back yard and I've had my morning coffee so I feel like a semi-functional member of the human race! All in all, a good day so far.
I haven't been the most intensely chatty person as of late and I worry that some folks will start to wonder if they've offended me somehow. I can assure all of you friends and lovelies that if I were upset, angry or apathetic towards you there would be no doubt. I would give you the courtesy and respect of letting you know and not beat around the bush about it and play games; which is something that I'm dealing with from someone I fancied to be a fairly good friend right now. We're dancing the dance of the awkward; I try to get somewhere and am met with total silence or short answers on his end. At this point, I'm ready to throw in the towel, put my hands up in the air and just say "Fuck it! I'm tired of putting forth all of this effort!" But something won't let me, whether it be my inexorable need to no longer give up on someone I care about until it's really over (hard lessons learned.) or that I feel in my gut that he's in a bad spot and will eventually come out of it and need a friend - whether he's willing to admit it and ask or not.
In my own case, my silence is more because I haven't been on the computer as often as I used to be and when I am, I read but rarely comment. With Spring busting out down here and my painting and spiritual practices re-awakening, I've had less and less time to sit my bum in a chair for a few hours. Which in all honesty, is probably a very good thing! But, I'm still around. Reading, listening and acting as a silent support.
Along the same vein, and I don't think I've mentioned this here before, back in the day (a decade plus a year or three ago) I was fairly active on a gaming forum and Livejournal. Those things, as odd as this will sound, helped me get through some of the darkest and toughest times of my life and all of the people I met and befriended there really helped me be comfortable in my own skin. Because as a depressed, awkward and socially anxious teen/young adult it was amazing to be able to open up to people, be yourself and have them like you. I've actually stayed in contact with some of these friends all these years and others have drifted off, some in the usual way and some in heart-rending fashion. Some have floated in to the far reaches of my memories and some I still think about and miss pretty regularly. (My missing Cactus.) Earlier this week, out of the blue, I got a message that a bunch of oldtimers from the forum had returned for a sort of reunion and was invited to join in and it's been really sort of incredible to see that we all turned out OK! We've gone out and traveled the world, helped rebuild lives and towns, saved lives, gotten married, made babies and all grown up in big ways. Nothing will make you feel more good about yourself than looking back on yourself in your late teens and taking note of how far you've come; honest. Having people who knew you back when you were 50 pounds lighter tell you that you still look great doesn't hurt either! Ha.
In other news, it was Luna's birthday earlier this week! My little dog face has gone 'round the sun once already! Where does the time go? It seems like just yesterday she was a measly 4 pounds of confusion and heart ache for me as I waded through what I'm now referring to as "post-Puppy Depression", aka, learning to live with something that requires a lot more from you than a cat or husband does! I'm pleased to say, our lives have gelled together a bit better now despite finding ourselves still occasionally scratching our heads about the logistics of some aspects of life with Dog and her still having some guarding/grumpy issues. Those things aside, I'm rather loving life with my furs. Now if I could just get the boys (aka cats) to finally see things my way... life would be grand!
On Luna's birthday, we took her on her first visit to Petsmart to pick out some new toys and then made her wear a party hat. She clearly enjoyed one more than the other! ;)
And in the most exciting news of all... I finally found another job! So I'll be leaving the hell that is the bank behind in just over a week's time to go work with a friend of mine as an administrative assistant. I'll have a set schedule for the first time in nearly five years and weekends off with the lovely. I'll work morning/early afternoon, so I'll have plenty of time to come home and paint, work out, play with dog face and take care of things around the house without feeling incredibly stressed and rushed as I hurry to cram all of that in to sporadic 1-3 hour increments throughout the week. While I'm really excited, I'm also sort of nervous... it's been a while since I was in admin, but luckily I'll have someone there to help me sweep out the cobwebs quickly enough!
It took 13 months, but I finally got to use a fake name at Starbucks! Scratch that one from the bucket-list!
What have you all been up to?
P.S. Finally broke out my DSLR for some play-time this morning! It's been way too long since we've spent quality time together and despite my fingers freezing off (that may be a light exaggeration.) it felt good to be snapping pictures again. I'm a bit rusty, so it'll take me some time to get more good shots than bad, but I'm pretty darn pleased with this one of one od my numerous Robin friends - even if it IS centered. Shut up, photo snobs. :P
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