Less cycles and a disease

Let me tell you, some of the gynecology offices in my town are staffed with incredibly rude people. I haven't gone to the gynecologist in an embarrassingly long time and my newly developed cyst was the swift kick in the ass I needed to find a doctor and make an appointment.

I called around to a few of the highest recommended offices in my town to inquire about new patients and was hung up on, informed that no matter the reason they had no appointments until July and when I inquired as to other offices in the area to try I was given a lot of grief. The final office I called is the one I decided to go with as the woman on the phone was helpful, sympathetic, and incredibly knowledgeable. As an added bonus she even squeezed me in yesterday afternoon.

When I met the doctor I instantly liked her. She came in, introduced herself and chatted with me as a friend and not just a doctor. She interviewed me about my current condition, my cycles, pains that I have and when, mood swings I have and when they occur... she was very detailed, thorough and when I couldn't quite get the words out would ask me the same question in a different way to make sure she understood exactly what I was trying to get across. It's often hard for me to describe feelings of discomfort and pain when they aren't happening currently.

After the exam I was given two diagnoses, the first is that I very definitely suffer from premenstrual dysphoric disorder. The second and more upsetting diagnosis is that I have endometriosis. My case is classical, I have pains at all the right times during my cycles, tenderness in all the right places. It's incurable but it can be treated and blessedly, mine seems to be mild.

After discussing my options for treatment my doctor and I decided that the best route to take at this point is to put me on birth control which will reduce the frequency of my periods to just 4 times a year. It's a little scary to me, since I'm used to getting it every single month like clockwork, but if I don't cycle as frequently then I can't build up as much scar tissue from the disease. We decided on this because while I don't wish to get pregnant right now, I'd like to have children some day. The more scar tissue you build up, the greater your chances of becoming infertile are.

When the doctor diagnosed me yesterday, I took it very well. I didn't even flinch. In the last 24 hours I've retreated into my brain while I juggle several emotions; confusion, sadness, worry, anger. It's hit me that I have a disease that has no cure and that I will have this for the rest of my life. Treatments range from simply taking birth control pills unless trying to conceive or pregnant to surgical procedures involving invasive techniques and scrapings to a full hysterectomy. It's something that weighs heavily on me as a maiden woman who would like to bridge the gap to motherhood when the time is right. It weighs heavily on me as something that will be a part of me until menopause or the removal of organs.

I plan to spend the weekend in meditation and relaxation. Take long soothing baths and commune with the element that rules my heart, sit outside if the weather is mild and ground with Earth's calming steady power. I plan to think, create, sleep and to just make time for me and no one else.