I'm short on blogging time and inspiration these days, as I continue through the fog of pregnancy brain and the business of home improvements, seed starting, yard wrangling, project planning and finishing and family driving me up and down the walls with baby stuff. The few moments I do get in the day for some much needed R&R are spent pulling oracle cards, sipping tea, cuddling with the hubs and the furs or sleeping. Writing and creating haven't gotten the time they should but neither is ever far from my mind. Soon enough, though, the weather will be warmer, the projects will be wrapped up and I can venture out with my camera, spend time with my paints and let my fingers record the meanderings of my mind once more.
For now though, I'd like to present to you the 4 most annoying things I've heard while pregnant and will die happily never hearing again. Presented in a snarky manner, because if it wasn't for humor and sarcasm, I'd have choked someone by now.
Also, yes. I am aware that I seem to be a magnet for more asinine and crazy people than the average bear. I wish there was a switch I could hit to turn that off.
1. "Hey Fatty! Hi, Buddha! Are you SURE you're not having twins??" Or any other equivalent phrase referring to my size.
Yes, I know I've gained weight. I'm aware of the fact that I'm getting rounder. These things do not escape me when I look in the mirror EVERY SINGLE DAY or am weighed at the doctor's office. It's no surprise to my fucked up knees who are bearing the extra weight with chagrin and maybe a bit of malice.
I'm eating well, gaining weight as I should be and still staying fairly active. I'm not thrilled with the fact that I'm getting heavier due to discomfort and a bit of low self esteem that has always been an issue. I don't walk up to you and say "Hey porkchop, tubby two by four or Stinky McShowers Never" because that's fucking rude. What makes you think it's less rude to say to a pregnant woman? Moreover, what makes you think it's safe to say that to someone with hormones raging through their bodies?
2. "Was it Planned? Wanted?"
Am I carrying and planning to have the baby? Then yes, it is wanted. Who gives a shit if it was planned? Ours was, but should it matter? How does someone else's baby being planned or a whoopsy effect you exactly?
3. "So... how did you do it? How long did it take?" and other questions involving our sex life.
You're an adult, so I'll just go ahead and assume that you know how babies are made. If not, ask your parents or check out a middle school sex-ed book. We're not close enough for me to give you intimate details of my sex life, so please, go creep on someone else.
4. "You have NO IDEA what you're getting yourselves in to" and other disheartening talk about how having a kid is going to overwhelm and ruin our lives.
Oh man, thank you for pointing out that we're both so stupid that we didn't even stop to consider that raising a child might be hard! Thank goodness you were around to tell us how awful it's going to be, how we'll never sleep again or how we'll never have time for hobbies, friends, each other, hot meals or sex ever again. Since neither one of us has ever been around a baby, lived with one or helped take care of any we were completely oblivious to what having a child might entail. Thank you so much for pointing out how ill prepared and insane we are!
- End Sarcasm.
In all seriousness, we KNOW that a child is hard work and can be emotionally taxing. We both have siblings a decade or more younger than us, nieces and nephews who are under the age of ten and friends with small children. We know what having a child may entail and we're OK with sleepless nights, crying, shitty diapers and less free time for a while. If we weren't, I wouldn't be pregnant. Your life and approach to parenting is only as miserable and you choose to make it, so please stop insulting our intelligence and acting like all kids are wailing creatures from Hell. Yours might be, that doesn't mean everyone's is.