Sunday, October 3, 2010

A request for healing..

I'm not normally one to ask for healing, much less for myself, but I could use all the love and strength of dear friends and new friends and even strangers alike at this point.

Those of you who have known me for a long while will probably recall that about a year ago I woke up one morning with an eye that was red, goopy with yellow grossness and felt as if I had a rock lodged under my eyelid. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with ocular herpes, part of the strain of herpes that is responsible for canker and cold sores. That doesn't sound too bad, until you realize two things - you're getting canker sores in your eyes and it's incurable, just like all forms of the disease. It can lay dormant in your system until it is triggered by something and let me tell you, the list of triggers is a mile long. It can get angry over anything. For me, the main culprits seem to be stress, smoke (which means I can't step foot into most eating establishments or bars in the south), dry eye and my hormones.

To tell you how bad this thing is, not only is it extremely uncomfortable, but each outbreak leaves permanent scarring in your eye. Mine happens to form right at the edge of my cornea, so each new piece of scar tissue could very likely take out a wee bit of my ability to see. Too much scar tissue can lead to blindness. If it were just discomfort I'd be ok with it, but having the fear of going blind looming over me for the rest of my life does not a happy girl make.

After the diagnosis, it took us 6 months to beat the infection down to the point where it would stay down. We had a few false successes in there, when the doctors would look at it and see that the lesion was healed over and new skin was there. We'd wean my eye off of the drops and things would be great for 3 days to a month before it all came bursting out again. Finally however, we managed to get it to go back to sleep and that lasted for nearly a year.

Until today, when I woke up and it is as bad and painful as it when I first went to see the doctors. It's a Sunday and anyone who lives in the South knows nothing is open ever on Sunday, but I managed to get in touch with a doctor via his emergency line and he is making a special trip out to meet me because this stuff is serious once it erupts.

Despite my apparent calmness through text, I am a bundle of awful emotions right now and going through the grief, anger, fist shaking, depression, frustration and all the other nasties that come along with this nonsense that comes with this sort of thing all over again. I don't want to lose more of my vision, I'm an artist and that thought terrifies me to levels of fear I didn't know my soul was capable of knowing.

So, what I'm asking is to please send me any strength and healing you can muster up for me. Light a candle, say a blessing, take a moment to revel in your own healthy beautiful eyes.

I'll let you know what the doctor says and keep you posted as I tackle this demon again. I'm not about to let this turn into a medical drama blog, but I'll sprinkle updates in with my cheerier stuff and the hell am I letting this keep me from 31 days of Halloweening.

28 comments:

  1. Man, that is terrible! I get the cold sores around my mouth and while that does leave the tiniest bit of scar tissue, it is not nearly as scary as having it on your eyes. I will send you all the good healing energy and Reiki to a quick healing.

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  2. My thoughts and energies are with you and sending you much encouragement to get through this trial. So sorry to hear of this and will be adding you to my daily rituals. Please know that you are going to overcome this...I just know that!

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  3. I am sending healing thoughts to you and lighting a candle for your quick recovery. I am so sorry to hear you have to go through this. Stay strong, your not alone.

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  4. all my positive thoughts and energies I send your way. I know how simple emotions can trigger these things which that in itself can be a tiring thing to keep up. Hope you are well soon and hope that you are able to keep in under control... blessings to you dear...

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  5. Please keep us updated! You will be in my thouhts and I'll send some healing your way tonight when I get in. <3 Feel better love!

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  6. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, I can't imagine. We are all sending you positive thoughts and energies to speed your healing and keep this disease under control.

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  7. ~with every ounce in me my thoughts healing wishes and blessings be with you...i am ever so sorry to hear of this and hope for your sake he will be able to bring calmness to you and relief for your eye...my candle is now lit...much l♥ve and light upon you always~

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  8. I am sending all the positive energies I can to you. I hope you get feeling better soon. I light my candle for you hopefully it's warmth can spread to you!

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  9. Darling girl, of course my concentrated energies are on you and healing and soothing. Be as calm as you can. Set your healing in a stone and put it on your altar. Take a pix and let us concentrate our energies to it. My wish is that this precious one be wrapped in healing and peace.
    Shelley has empitago (spelling?). It is similar but started as a staph infection. With every outbreak (also unknown exact trigger) it continues to eat away her nose lining and the top of her nose. She also has joined your army of understanding supporters and will send you healing thoughts.
    Let us know what is happening....that is what this thing is all about...caring, sharing and taking on someone else burden when necessary and called upon. The Olde Bagg

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  10. I can't imagine what you are going through. It's hard having trouble with the eyes. My husband has one bad eye and we are praying the other one stays good. Will light a healing candle tonight.

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  11. You have my compassion :-( Doesn't sound fun at all. May Theia and Lucina heal your eyes and keep the infections away.

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  12. Oh Danni, I do hope you feel better soon. Healing thoughts and energies are headed your way.

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  13. lots of healing energy and thoughts are being sent your way.
    blessings
    ~*~

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  14. Sending good vibes to you! My ex deals with the same exact thing! His pupil is a bit misshapen from it. He can tell now when it feels like its about to act up and he keeps antibiotics at home and with him for this reason. Yes, stress is a big culprit. It can be handled and lived with.

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  15. Got you on my mind Danni, I'm sending healing energies your way. I get cold sores on my mouth but it's gotta be scary getting that in your eye. Don't worry too much though, the more you worry the more it irritates it.

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  16. I'm lighting a candle for you and sending positive thoughts for healing and calm - I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Chronic illness can be very draining... be good to yourself today.

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  17. Oh Honey that sounds absolutely terrifying. I am going to send you all the good healing energy I can muster. I hope you are feeling better soon.

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  18. I am so sorry that you're having to experience this...I can completely understand why your frightened. Sending you blessings of healing and courage.

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  19. Again, I'm so sorry for this, Danni. The only good thing is to feel one more time the powerful chain of love that we get here when we need. I'm lighting a candle rightnow for you and sending healing, positive vibes your way.

    Do vent about it, it's not a drama, it's something that is distressing you and venting helps to deal with it. We'e all ears!

    Kisses and much love from us.

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  20. Sending you much love and healing vibes, Danni. I hope the doctors has made is manageable for you - sounds so, so painful.

    My husband gets cold sores but has been drinking lemon balm tea, twice a day for about 8 months and hasn't had a flair up. Normally he'd have about 3 during this time frame. Worth a try?

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  21. Hey there, my dearie. Long time, no see, or so it feels. My eyes are tearing a bit at your news. I feel your fear in my chest. I'm sending you love & light & healing. I wish I could come knock on your door & give you a big hug in person. Sometime online hugs just aren't enough... ^_^
    Know you're in my thoughts. It makes me smile to hear that despite your eye gremlins & their mischief & mayhem, that you're still carrying on with your Halloweening. ^-^
    Hugs & love. And let me know if there's anything I can do from up here in Washington. You can bet your best pair of witchy booties I'll do it! ^-^

    XOXO...XOXOXOXO

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  22. Positive thoughts and energy coming your way! Sorry to hear about the difficulties you are having! Keep us updated on how things are going.

    Blessings to you,

    Bex

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  23. Oh Danni, my heart goes out to you. It sounds so awful, and scary too. You're in my thoughts missus. I've even told my mum and sister about it so they're thinking of you too. I'm not religious but I do believe in the power of prayer and postive thought. Wishing you lots of both from this side of the Atlantic! Take care,
    Roisin xxxx

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  24. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Don't feel bad about sharing this , and not being cheery this post. As much as you inspire those of us who read your blog, hopefully we can do something in return ...listening and offering our support.

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  25. Sending love and healing to you. I hope it helps soon.

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