Thursday, October 28, 2010

On the Twenty-Seventh day of Hallowe'en...

As Samhain draws closer, I've been thinking more and more about what I'd like to take with me into the magical new year and what I'd like to leave behind. Each year, after the trick-or-treaters and Hallowe'en revelers have gone to count candy and to sleep I slip off to the sanctuary of my altar to perform my Samhain ritual. During my ritual I do a spell for release and balance that out with a new year's wish. I close with a 12 card tarot spread to glimpse into the coming year.

This year, the things I'd wish for are few but the things I'd like to leave behind are plentiful. Some require a lot more work than the few days left between now and Samhain can fully heal, but other ones that have plagued me for entirely too long need to be told they will no longer have power over me and I can think of no better time than Samhain to release them.

The things I am leaving behind are the demons of self doubt and loathing. For as long as I can remember, I've suffered from fairly low self esteem and the wee demons in my head telling me I'm not good, creative, in shape, pretty, clever, funny, talented, likeable, etc, etc, enough have been less than helpful in my getting over it. I am blessed with people who love and praise me, but am completely incapable of graciously accepting a compliment. Until I began this blog a little over a year ago, sharing my art was something I very rarely did. So, I have made progress in some aspects, but now it's time to deal with the rest of them.

Yesterday, I sat down and began work on my project for week one of Tam's Art, Heart and Healing workshop on Willowing.org. Yes, week one actually started last week, but sometimes the universe has you hold off on things until the time is right for them. This was most certainly the case, because as I was pondering letting go of my demons I was watching Tam's videos for this project, which is all about changing how your inner critic speaks to you and letting go of the negativity it can breed in you.

Of course, when you create a void by letting go of something, there's an empty space to be filled with something wonderful. The page is devoted to the wonderful that you wish to focus on; a statement and word that will solidify the positive and keep out the negative. She said we could make a person who represented us and looked nothing like us, but for me, I wanted the girl on my positivity page to be me. I didn't look in a mirror or use photos, I just let my pencil and brush go and ended up with a semi stylized girl who looks almost exactly like me ten years ago.


My glasses and nose ring are present and accounted for and the message is straightforward and simple. Quit beating up on and start loving yourself.

And that my lovelies, is my resolution for this Samhain.

Will you be making any resolutions, releasing or wishing for anything as the Wheel of the Year begins a new cycle? feel free to share in the comments or on your own blogs. If you share elsewhere though, let me know here so I can come visit with you.

9 comments:

  1. You're page journal pages are awesome. It took me all week to do mine. Mostly because I think because I really believe some of that negative junk. But hopefully with taking Tam's workshop, I can get past some of this stuff or at least on the road to doing so.

    I hadn't thought about making resolutions on Samhain, but that's an awesome idea. I'll have to ponder what they will be and then post them up on my blog.

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  2. Making resolutions at Samhain is something I've thought of yet never really done. Same with the other new year. I'll need to think on that. Love your artwork and self portrait.
    The left nostril piercing is refreshing - I am also a lefty. =)

    *hugs*

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  3. I just love your self portrait...it has such presence about it. An aire of that confidence. Yay for you. Great job.
    I am really enjoying this new found energy, created by the realization that, just like you said on your picture....I deserve it. That is a statement I would have shyed away from until this class.
    You're part of my growth. I needed to let you know that. You have allowed me to love you and be apart of your growth and I am so awed by that. Very special you are, my young friend. Was that Yoda enough for you?
    Hey speaking of movie folks and facts....Legend swap. Where can I go to see what other did. How fun that must have been. If it is private...oops sorry. If not, share, please. Fairy Oona and I used to be on a monthly talking basis. If I didn't watch Legend at least once a month, I just couldn't do anything with my Oona hair. tee hee
    XXOOO The Olde Bagg

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  4. Your work is beautiful! I am a part of this group as well, still working on it though... good for your for letting go of your issues, I am hoping to work through some of mine as well. Thanks for the inspiration

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  5. This is wonderful. I have much the same things to let go of. It's one thing to let go of self esteem issues if you are no longer in situations where the damage is being done - quite another if you are still being told in very subtle ways you aren't good enough. I have a very wonderful marriage now, but there are still family members who like to "take me down a notch" so what I am going to bring in is the strength to stand up to them and the wisdom to understand their motives.

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  6. This is beautiful...both the artwork and the sentiment. We all have issues we need to just put down. I still tend to do my resolutions when I change the calendar rather than at Samhain. Old habits and all that. Have a happy!

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  7. Your pages are beautiful!! I know that I have similar problems that I am working on. I actually make my resolutions for the year on my birthday. I don't know when I started it, but it's a habit now.

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  8. I like this entry to your blog. Here comes encouragement to you from me to have great success in your endeavors here. And also...Why, yes, I do something like this each year too. Please come read about my First Fire Ritual that I did this evening. http://wisewomanpath.blogspot.com/2010/10/first-fire-ritual-28th-day-of-halloween.html

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  9. I love what you're offering to the Crone of Samhain to bury and replace with new self-loving energy. I have those same demons that need to be banished too. Your art is just lovely and thank you for reminding me that it's time to release and renew.

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