The full moon in my birth month is always a very powerful one for me. No matter where I am or what I'm doing, she pulls at me and tugs at my spirit - calling me to dance beneath her gaze or get in to big workings. Last night's was no exception.
I know I've talked a little bit over the past few months about feeling a disconnect from my path, especially during the "Great Apathy" as I'm now calling that bleak 6 month period at the end of 2012. I was so occupied clinging to whatever straws of joy I could grasp in an effort to keep myself from sinking from apathy to depression that my spiritual practices fell by the wayside. My altar went unchanged between Samhain and Yuletide nor between Yuletide and present, I didn't observe moon phases with anything more than a skyward glance and my conversation and connection to Hermes dwindled in a painfully significant way. My own light had waned to such a dreadful degree that raising energy was a joke. I'd sit or lay down and try and try and felt just the faintest of hums, if anything at all.
It hadn't been so bad since the days of grand depression in my late teens. I tried to come back from it with the start of the calendar's new year. I began to observe things in nature more vigilantly, went barefoot more often on the cold hard ground and started to feel more like myself again but something was still holding me back. Despite the lifting of the apathy and a return to my true emotional nature, there was still a block somewhere. And as the full moon came ever closer, I felt like I needed to grab my mental sledgehammer and break that fucker down.
And so, last night, I did just that. I tore down my altar space, taking every.single.item off of it and getting it back to it's bare wood state. No cloths, no decor, no bullshit. I started from scratch in the space; giving it a deep cleansing and re-dedicating it under the watchful gaze of mother moon. This alone took a few hours. Once I was satisfied with it, I fed the spiritual space with sweet smoke and began to cleanse and re-dedicate every item I put in to the space. It is very stripped back compared to what it was when I began, there are no extraneous pieces on it - no cloth, no cauldron, no extra candle sticks. Everything on there was for use in last night's workings or are vessels for the spirits and deities with whom I work.
And it felt so very, very good. So very, very right. This stripped back, bare bones approach to my worship and workings. It felt as if I'd advanced through a veil and in to a deeper place in the woods of my path. One where I no longer need pomp and circumstance to get in the mood, as it were, because after the darkness I have more faith in myself and my own personal power.
The energies flowed easily and readily, seemingly ravenous for release. And big things happened at my altar late in to the night; workings not just for myself but for others as well. Jewelry, stones and items for charms were fed, cleansed and blessed. I pulled my cards for the first time in too long and the fae seemed to nod their agreement; I'm on the right path. In the right space.
Right here, right now.