It's yet another Doomsday and this one's a doozy; the most talked about one I've encountered in my life short of the Day of Reckoning (which no one has a date for). We discussed it in history classes, in my art classes, in my Spanish classes - from Middle School through now we've discussed it. And I'll be honest, when I was younger it freaked me out! All the speculation and all the mystery surrounding the Maya didn't do anything to quell my concerns either.
But as it's gotten closer and closer and I've read up, spoken to my love who lived in Honduras for a few years and spoke to Mayan descendants about it (have I ever mentioned Joe's obsession with Mayan culture? No? Well, he loves it.) and listened to my gut, I've felt fine about the whole thing. That said there is definitely a feeling to this day, to this Yule, that is different than the ones I've recognized in the past.
The past few months have felt so heavy, the past few weeks have felt sort of dark; ominous almost. Not in a doom and gloom way, but in an energetically claustrophobic way. As if I were in a damp dark cave, with no light and only apathy for company. The past few days however, I've felt it shift and I know many others have experienced this feeling too.
It hasn't shifted to feel all jolly and festive like the holiday season typically does, but it's gotten lighter - both the weight and the darkness. It's as if there's a crack in the egg shell of my cave and the light has found a way in. There's a tingling of hopefulness, of fearlessness and of wonder that I've not felt before. I feel a deep urge to make changes, to really evolve and grow; to no longer be content to just be - but to really take the plunge to be more positive, more spiritual, more authentically me. To reach for the stars while keeping my feet firmly on the ground.
Others have reported these feeling too, the shucking off of a cocoon we didn't even realize we were nestled inside of. I've heard it amongst my pagan cohorts and witches as well as within my painting tribe. There is an oddity to it though and perhaps it's just my experience due to the nature of these circles; I've only heard it from women.
Do I believe the world is going to end tonight? No. But as I sit here today, I feel an anticipation of a sort, like something big is going to happen and when I awake tomorrow I won't be the same. Who knows how valid this gut feeling is, especially with all the talk of a 'new age' that could be affecting it. I do wonder however, with so many souls vocalizing similar thoughts and feelings if this isn't truly the end of *something*. There is definitely a shifting occurring, a transitioning. I don't claim to know what it is, or how many it is truly affecting, but I think it is for the better. I truly hope it is.
For now, I'm going to bask in the warmth of the returning light. I'm going to revel in the return of the Oak King and the Sun Serpent. May their light warm us all on this longest of nights.